down on the farm

Since living back at the King farm where I grew up, I've been enjoying the spring. I love the farm, and today was an especially beautiful day. Everything is lush and green against a deep blue sky, and there was a bold breeze rustling the leaves and bringing the scents of clover, mint, and sweet hay grasses.

So much has happened since we moved back here. Being in the same places I used to roam as a child, and now looking on them with 20 additional years has shown me that some things never change. Some things do though, and some things still need the touch of change. And I've realized that just in the last year I've had to grow up in so many ways.

Since we've begun this process towards the mission field, I've had to lay aside my desire of pleasing everyone. I've also had to let go of any care of what people think of me. And when some whom I love don't understand why we're doing this, I feel like I'm failing them greatly. I've had to let that go, and some days it feels like some deep part of my soul is being ripped out because I've yearned so long for their approval. Dying to the self. Knowing that Christ need be my only source of approval and acceptance. Lessons I've not truly learned until now. Thanks be to God.

But I'm finding there's a part of me that doesn't necessarily need to grow up. The part of me that skips and dances when no one's looking, picks flowers for my mom, laughs gleefully as the lambs race around, twirls around under the big maple tree, and loves happy endings. I'm just fine keeping that part of me the same.

Oh yeah... I have a blog...

That thought has crossed my mind once or twice in these several weeks since I wrote my very first blog. I almost forgot what I named it. That's not a promising sign. Sorry, to you all who've been waiting for more! And thank you Mr. Burly for your blogging etiquette advice, I took it to heart. However, I hope you don't mind my often use of symbols, such as -- and ... .

Anyhoo... Kevin and I began our first, official diet together. We don't make good food choices, or exercise appropriate portion control. But I think that the root of it all, is that we simply love food. The tastes, smells, sights, and preparations that go into a meal are a real joy for us.

We gave up breads and refined sugars. So, I've been eating a lot of salad lately -- which, with the right salad dressing, can be a marvelous thing. But I find myself dreaming of McDonald's french fries. Often.

I've done a little research on the topic of dieting over the years, being interested in helping the individuals who go to extremes, and it amazes me how many people are consumed with the desire to look differently. Almost everyone falls into this category, myself included. So now that we've entered this arena, I'm getting a personal perspective on the mindsets, restrictions, rewards, and travails of dieting.

I'll write more later. This artificially flavored chocolate rice cake is calling my name, and it's going to be yummy...

Ponderings On The Beginning

I've considered creating a blog for quite sometime now. The reason I haven't -- I couldn't come up with a blog name that I liked. Silly I know, but the truth. So today as I was thinking, it came to me -- model of redemption. There's a phrase that I think of often. "I'm not a model of perfection, but a model of redemption." I would love to be perfect, and do everything as I ought to do. But I don't. I mess up often, and that phrase reminds me that it's okay that I'm not perfect. I'm not supposed to be.

What's more is that God knows I'm going to mess up, and the amazing part of that is -- He still cherishes me. When I mess up, He sets my feet back in the right direction. When my heart is broken, He binds my wounds. I am a model of redemption, because of His love and grace.

So, that's the story behind my blog name. As I write, that will be a recurring theme. Let this online blog-o-rama begin!