Since living back at the King farm where I grew up, I've been enjoying the spring. I love the farm, and today was an especially beautiful day. Everything is lush and green against a deep blue sky, and there was a bold breeze rustling the leaves and bringing the scents of clover, mint, and sweet hay grasses.
So much has happened since we moved back here. Being in the same places I used to roam as a child, and now looking on them with 20 additional years has shown me that some things never change. Some things do though, and some things still need the touch of change. And I've realized that just in the last year I've had to grow up in so many ways.
Since we've begun this process towards the mission field, I've had to lay aside my desire of pleasing everyone. I've also had to let go of any care of what people think of me. And when some whom I love don't understand why we're doing this, I feel like I'm failing them greatly. I've had to let that go, and some days it feels like some deep part of my soul is being ripped out because I've yearned so long for their approval. Dying to the self. Knowing that Christ need be my only source of approval and acceptance. Lessons I've not truly learned until now. Thanks be to God.
But I'm finding there's a part of me that doesn't necessarily need to grow up. The part of me that skips and dances when no one's looking, picks flowers for my mom, laughs gleefully as the lambs race around, twirls around under the big maple tree, and loves happy endings. I'm just fine keeping that part of me the same.
